Star charts are an amazingly useful tool to teach children and to help them adopt good habits. I have used them to support my children to eat new vegetables, dress themselves, sleep through the night, get potty trained and improve their manners. If you are new to star charts, here are some ideas to get started, and avoid the pitfalls.
Keep it Simple
You don't have to buy a special star chart or spend a lot of time designing and making one. It can be as simple as a piece of paper with a title or picture and a sheet of stickers. For example, to encourage my son to dress himself I took a photo of him dressing himself, printed it on an A4 sheet of paper and put a sticker in the white space each time he dressed himself fully. After a week or two he was in the habit of dressing himself and we phased out the star chart.
Be Consistent
Only begin a star chart if you are ready to commit to it and see it through for a week or two. This takes time and energy, so if you have a lot on, wait until you can give it due attention. An unfinished star chart is a waste of your precious energy and sets your child an example of not following through.
Be Specific
A fellow parent told me she ran a star chart for "being good." That's far too vague. Each evening her son argued that he had been "mostly good" and she caved in and dished out the stickers. Instead, use your star chart to focus on something very specific. For example, to improve my son's manners I put stars in three columns: P for each time he said "please," Q for "thank you," and Y for answering me with a "Yes Mum" when I asked him to do something.
Keep it Special
Once your child understands exactly what's required to win those stars, make sure you do not give in to persuasion and give rewards if he or she doesn't earn them. You have to be stingy with your stars and make sure your child still wants them badly enough to make the effort. Once the behavior is established you can wrap up the star chart and give everyone a break before starting a new chart.
Bring Out the Big Guns
If the stickers alone are not enough motivation for your child, or if they somehow lose their magic, you might consider offering a bigger incentive in exchange for a completed star chart. To encourage my son to read, I asked him to read a book of 20 stories (Usborne's Apple Tree Farm Farmyard Tales). He got a star for each story he read, and when he had 20 stars on his chart he got a chocolate bar of his choice. He couldn't wait to get that chocolate bar and diligently worked his way through the book.
As well as improving a specific aspect of a child's behavior, I have found star charts have a positive general effect. Running a star chart puts a focus on the child and gives him or her a way of getting your attention in a positive way. It also encourages the parent to reward good behavior instead of scolding and nagging. This puts a very welcome positive spin on things. So a star chart can improve our behavior as well as our children's. You can't ask for more than that.
Sheila Ryan - A freelance journalist and mother of three small boys, Sheila Ryan has a degree in psychology and English, and a short temper when ...
